We all want to be heard, however, did you ever feel like nobody is listening? Listening is one of the most valuable skills we can have, but so many of us feel like we can’t get through to the person we are talking to.
A lot of times people don’t listen to you because they are already overwhelmed with all the chatter in their mind, which means they don’t have any space available to take in new information from you. Sometimes it is due to the fact that there are a million and one distractions that draw their attention away from you or they are emotionally caught up in a drama they have been dealing with earlier or they are simply uncomfortable with the subject matter because they feel like it is outside their area of expertise.
Being heard is extremely empowering, gratifying and makes us feel valued. What most people don’t realize though is that a lot of times the best way to get our point across and be heard is to not to try so hard and listen more.
Here are our TOP 10 strategies for getting through to anyone and be heard.
#1 Put Yourself in the Other Person’s Shoes
Before you try to get through to someone else and be heard, take a moment and put yourself in the other person’s shoes and see your own message from their perspective. How will the other person receive and respond to what you are trying to say and how is the other person going to be impacted by your message. Also, consider if there are any extenuating circumstances that will have an impact on how your message is going to be received. Make it a point to understand the other person’s state of mind from the get go and with that tailor your message so that people will listen.
#2 Ask Questions
Whenever you explain something in detail, you need to give the other person an opportunity to follow up with questions. Every time you made a main point, give the other person a chance to ask you any questions they may have. You can also ask them questions to make sure that your message got through. Asking questions always makes people feel more involved in the conversation instead of feeling like they are sitting through a lecture. Keep in mind, it takes two to tango, so make sure your conversation is fun and interactive.
#3 Get to the Point
Research shows that in our day and age, most people spend up to 80% of their day engaged in some form of communication and 55% of their time is devoted to listening. With such a large amount of anybody’s day spent listening, the last thing anyone wants to do is to listen to more than they have to, so it is important to cut to the chase and don’t beat around the bush. The more wishy-washy you are and fill your conversation with unnecessary chatter, the less likely the other person will pay attention to what you are saying. Get to the point and the other person will appreciate your briefness. Not only that, this person will be more likely to listen to you in the future because they know it won’t require an enormous amount of time investment.
#4 Focus on Creating a Meaningful Relationship
In order to get through to someone and have an effective communication, you have to first take the time to build a meaningful relationship. You have to find out who the other person is, what the other person is all about and what makes him or her tick. Earn the other person’s trust and create a space for an honest communication where both of you can freely express yourself. The best communications happen when you don’t simply try to push your ideas onto others but rather focus on creating a lasting connection. Understand people and show compassion and you will realize that others listen to you a lot more willingly.
#5 Understand Listening Styles
There are several different styles of listening and in order to get through to the other person, you have to find out how they are listening. Are they people-oriented and concerned with relationships or are they content-oriented and want to know and understand the nitty-gritty of your message? Are they action-oriented and want to get to the point quickly to put things into action or are they time-oriented and have a million different things to do and you are taking away some of their precious time to focus on other things? It is important for you to understand who you are talking to and how they are listening so that you can adapt your method and message.
#6 Adapt Your Message
Once you have a clear understanding of the other person’s listening style, you have to adapt your message to fit their style. If someone is people-oriented, pull up a chair and enjoy a cup of coffee together. On the other hand, if you are talking to a time-oriented listener you need to pick up the pace and get your point across very quickly. The better you are at adapting your message to the listening style of the other person, the more receptive he or she will be.
#7 Validate Emotions
Emotions have a huge influence on any interaction and communication we have and should emotions like frustration or anger get in the way of you getting through, recognize those emotions. Using the power of the ‘golden pause’ can be very effective to let silence defuse the heat of the moment. Take the time to get a better read on another person’s emotional state and if you validate their emotions, it may even calm him or her down and you can continue with the conversation.
#8 Remove Distractions
A lot of times we are trying to get through to someone but are competing for their attention with too many distractions. If you are a parent, you know that it is almost impossible to get your child to listen when their favorite TV show is on or when they are playing their favorite video game. And while your friends, co-workers or clients aren’t children, these tendencies remain the same. If you are trying to be heard while the other person is checking their emails or going through their social media feed, they won’t listen to you, so simply ask if you should come back at a more convenient time and with that you usually get their full attention.
#9 Watch Your Body Language
Keep in mind, a big part of communication is non-verbal, so don’t just think about your words when you are speaking to another person, but be aware of your body language and how you present yourself as this is just as important, if not more, than your words. A great way to get somebody else’s attention is to mirror their body language, communicate with open gestures and hold eye contact to make them feel important. Also, the way you stand has a huge impact on your own confidence levels and with that makes it easier to get through to even the most difficult listeners.
#10 Be a Power Listener
Before you can expect someone else to listen to what you have to say, you have to understand what true listening looks and feels like. Listening is way more than just being quite while someone else speaks. It’s about hearing what they have to say, looking the speaker into the eyes and process what they are saying. And whenever it is appropriate, interject or respond. And when you do interject or respond, don’t make it about yourself and get your point across, but ask questions that relate to the conversation and show that you have been listening and try to understand what the other person has been saying. Learn the power of active listening and you will be amazed how the other person will be attentively listening to you when it is your turn to speak.
We live in a world where people usually prefer to hear themselves talk rather than listening to somebody else speak. Unfortunately this sometimes means that we have to fight for ourselves to be heard and develop powerful speaking techniques to make others receptive to our ideas. If you want people to listen to what you have to say and respect your opinion, you have to stick up for yourself and pick the right moment to stand out.
YOU DESERVE TO BE HEARD
Joschi & Monika
#BoldNaked