We all want to be liked, but a lot of people succumb to the mistaken believe that being likable is a natural, unteachable trait that is only bestowed upon a lucky few. However, reality is that being likable is entirely under our control.
Being likable is a matter of emotional intelligence and has nothing to do with being incredibly talented, attractive or fiercely social. Instead, being likable is associated with the capacity of understanding another person, transparency and sincerity.
We did a little digging to uncover the key ingredients that people with high emotional intelligence engage in that makes them so likable so that you can cultivate likability as well, because these traits don’t just make you more likable, they also allow you to outperform those who don’t possess these skills.
Here are our TOP 10 tips to becoming a super-likable person.
#1 Ask About People’s Passions
Everybody loves to talk about their passions so give them the possibility to get enthusiastic with you. It is very flattering when someone cares enough about you to notice what you like and then actually brings it up. When you talk to people about their interests it suggests that you see more in them, are interested in them and care about them on a human level. And if you care, they like you more for it and an added bonus is that you learn some cool, new information.
#2 Put Your Phone Away
Nothing is more of a turn off than when someone takes the phone out mid-conversation to check text messages, emails or social media feed. Put your phone away and commit to focus your entire energy on the conversation at hand. Your messages will still be there later and the interactions will be a lot more effective and enjoyable when you immerse yourself in them.
#3 Be Genuine
A quintessential part of being likable is that you are honest and genuine. Just think about it, nobody likes a fake. People tend to gravitate towards those who are genuine and authentic, because it creates a sense of trust. Besides, it is really difficult to like someone when you don’t actually know who they really are and how they feel. Super-likable people know exactly who they are and are confident enough to be completely comfortable in their own skin. You will be a lot more likable and interesting when you are focusing on your passions, drives and what makes you happy than when you try to win someone over by portraying someone that you think they will like.
#4 Don’t Pass Judgment
If you want to be super-likable, you have to keep an open mind. Open-mindedness makes you interesting and approachable to others and nobody likes to have a conversation with someone who is already set in their opinion and is not interested in listening. Having an open mind is crucial, so eliminate judgment and preconceived notions and learn how to see the world through someone else’s eyes. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to believe or condone everything, it simple means that you don’t pass judgment and let the other person be who they are.
#5 Don’t Be Moody
We are all drawn toward happy, positive people so try to let go of your negativity. Also, don’t be all smiles and laughter one day and the next day yell at everybody for no reason. Don’t have an uncontrollable temper where the other person doesn’t know who will show up today. Now, we are not saying that you have to be in a great mood every day, but you should try to keep your emotional outbursts under control and stay on an even keel.
#6 Don’t Be an Attention Hog
Nobody likes an attention hog who is desperate for attention. Keep in mind, you don’t have to develop an extroverted, big personality to be likable. Simply being considerate and friendly is all it takes to win people over. Be confident, concise and friendly and you will notice that people are much more drawn to you than when you have to be the center of attention any chance you get. Give attention rather than requesting it and shift the focus on the people around you. This way you show that you are humble and appreciative, both of which are very closely tied to being likable.
#7 Use Positive Body Language
Be aware of the body language you use, from your tone of voice, your facial expressions, to gestures and stance. Uncross your arms, use an enthusiastic tone, maintain eye contact, smile and lean in when someone else is speaking. All these positive forms of body language demonstrate high emotional intelligence, which people are drawn to and make you more likable.
#8 Balance Passion with Fun
Usually people gravitate towards those who are passionate. However, sometimes passionate people can come across almost obsessed and too serious or uninterested in other people’s passions. As a likable person, learn how to balance passion with fun. It doesn’t mean you have to be part of the gossip machine, you can minimize small talk and instead focus on having meaningful conversations. But keep it lighthearted, bring lots of anecdotes and stories and don’t be afraid to make fun of yourself.
#9 Be Quick to Apologize
This is one of the best ways to win over friends and influence people. Sometimes people get upset with you, without you even knowing what you’ve done. But you can easily diffuse tension when you apologize right away. It doesn’t really matter whether or not you are at fault. Be the first person to put the grudge aside because grudges are usually a matter of ego and rarely a matter of principle. Let it go, be the bigger person and be the one who makes the problems go away rather than the one who creates them.
#10 Listen Actively
You have two ears and one mouth. That’s the ratio you should use them with. But simply hearing words doesn’t cut it. If you want to be super-likable, you have to truly listen. You have to hear, interpret, evaluate and respond. Drop what you are doing and pay attention, ask clarifying questions, steer clear of judgment and don’t jump to conclusions and give feedback that lets the speaker know that you heard them.
Being likable means that you network with ease, bring out the best in everyone around you and generally have more fun. People feel comfortable around you because you exude an authentic presence and have a genuine way of getting to know other people.
MAKE A ROOMFUL OF PEOPLE SMILE
Joschi & Monika
#BoldNaked