In today’s world there is so much emphasis on learning how to forgive others that we mostly are completely blind to the possibility of forgiving ourselves. However, it is absolutely normal and natural to make mistakes and feel guilt, shame and pain when we have hurt somebody else, offended a loved one, argued at work or simply just made a mistake.
But in order to live a happy, healthy life, it is hugely important to learn how to forgive ourselves. Keep in mind, learning how to forgive ourselves is essential in order to be able to move on from a certain situation instead of staying stuck in the past, allowing ourselves to do what we want to do and achieve our goals, taking care of ourselves and learning, growing and improving from our mistakes.
Sure, it can be hard to forgive ourselves, because we tend to be our own worst critics. But learning how to forgive ourselves frees us from anger and bitterness, which are two emotions that not only don’t feel good, but they can also wreak havoc with our physical health and hold us back from all the good we could experience and achieve.
Here are our TOP 10 techniques on how to forgive yourself.
#1 Look at the Situation Objectively
One of the biggest obstacles to be able to forgive ourselves is our inability to see the situation objectively. Maybe what you did was a major deal, but maybe it just feels like it was and in reality it was just a minor mistake. Imagine that whatever you did was done by someone else who you love and did the same thing to you. Ask yourself how you would see the situation then. It may give you a whole new perspective and if you need help, ask someone you trust to help you examine the situation.
#2 Acknowledge Your Emotions
Don’t sweep your emotions under the rug, but allow yourself the freedom to acknowledge how you feel and how you made someone else feel, if you wronged another person. Feel all your emotions and feelings and allow yourself to observe your justifications, reasons and self-blame. Acknowledge what you have done and accept responsibility for your words or actions. Move away from all the justifications, excuses and blaming others. Keep in mind, without accepting responsibility for your actions, any attempt of self-forgiveness, will be immature, hollow and naive.
#3 Realize the Past is In the Past
After you looked at the situation objectively, acknowledged your emotions and took responsibility, accept that what happened, happened and there is nothing you can do about it now. Your actions are in the past and whatever happened to cause you sadness and guilt is in the past as well. You cannot change what happened, so down’t dwell on the past because it will only make things worse. Focus on how you can change your future for the better and how you can right a wrong, but don’t try to change what happened, because it won’t be possible.
#4 Recognize Unrealistic Expectations
We all have rules and expectations for ourselves as well as those around us, but in order to feel happier and be able to forgive yourself, you have to stop creating unrealistic expectations that are most likely to get broken and will lead to failure. Because this will only make you feel guilty, yet again and you won’t be able to learn how to forgive yourself. Accept the fact that not everything will be how you think it should be and that’s OK. Recognizing that you set unrealistic rules and expectations will make it a lot easier to learn how to forgive yourself and move on.
#5 Embrace Self-Acceptance
A big part of self-forgiveness is self-acceptance. You need to accept what you have done, you need to accept your mistakes and actions and once you can find that acceptance, you will be able to forgive yourself and move on. Keep in mind, you cannot change anything from the past, which means that the only way forward is to accept it. Once you find self-acceptance, you can work on changing and improving yourself in the future to better yourself.
#6 Put Things In Perspective
Putting things in perspective is a great way to help you to forgive yourself because it is based around all the positive things that you do and are. Sit down and take some time to write down all the positive things you have done and all the positive traits, characteristics, skills and talents you have. Just focus on the positive and acknowledge all the positive about yourself. Remember, we are all flawed, but we also have a lot of positive about ourselves, so focus on that and you will be able to forgive yourself.
#7 Don’t Be Afraid to Start Fresh
Even if we think we have forgiven ourselves, we can sometimes get stuck in the past. Learn from your past mistakes and use them as a stepping stone to start fresh. Keep in mind, you can always start anew and become a better version of yourself and a mistake is a great guide to help you create a new start. Using a mistake as a step forward and realizing that you have the power to change and start fresh will allow you to forgive yourself and move forward with more wisdom, knowledge and strength.
#8 Take Care of Yourself
We all make mistakes, so don’t be too hard on yourself. If you take care of yourself and make self-care a priority in your life, you will be in a much more positive headspace and will find the strength to forgive yourself. Remember, mistakes are an incredible opportunity to learn and grow. Treat yourself as you would a friend who made a mistake and show yourself some kindness and compassion. This way it will be much easier to learn self-forgiveness and move on.
#9 Focus on the Lessons
We all stumble, we all fail and we all hurt someone eventually. It’s part of our human condition and experience. The difference between people is though that not everybody will learn from their mistakes and failures. Be the person who is willing to learn from your past so it can benefit your future. Focus on the lessons you can take away from the mistake and with that let go of guilt and shame and forgive yourself.
#10 Give Yourself a Break
Wallowing in the bad feelings about the things you’ve done in the past can create a pretty awful and painful present. On your journey to learning self-forgiveness, give yourself and your mind and body a break from all those painful emotions and replace those emotions with gratitude. Be grateful for what you do have. Be grateful for all the wonderful people in your life. Be grateful for the person who serves you your coffee just the way you like it. Be grateful for the wonderful sunrise. Be grateful for being healthy. Be grateful for being alive. Be grateful and you will be able to forgive yourself.
Forgiveness is a process that doesn’t happen overnight. Keep in mind, forgiveness doesn’t mean that you excuse or condone what happens and it doesn’t mean that you forget about it. But no matter what happened, we need to move on just as the world moves on and the only way to move on in life is to learn how to forgive ourselves.
YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN YOUR PAST MISTAKES
Joschi & Monika
#BoldNaked