As human beings we are social creatures and most of us interact with an assortment of different people every single day. With this multitude of interactions from our most intimate relationships with our spouse or partner to meeting a stranger on the street, chances are that sometimes a simple conversation can go terribly wrong and make us feel sick.
We feel badly insulted and are raging inside and when we talk to our best friend we receive the well-meaning advice not to take it personally. Sure, we all know the arguments ‘It’s not about you, it’s about them’ or ‘You can’t control what another person thinks or says’, however developing a thick skin and not taking things personally can be challenging when we were just offended or emotionally hurt.
However, it is important to keep in mind that when we take things personally, we give another person more power over us than they should be allowed to have or deserve and with that allow someone else to determine how we feel about ourselves. Instead of simply reacting when someone else pushes our buttons, learn to toughen up and deflate the power someone else has over your head.
Here are our TOP 10 tips to not take things personally.
#1 Breathe
Whenever you come out of an interaction that leaves you feeling hurt or angry, before you respond, take a minute or two to simply focus on your breath. Observe how the air flows in and out of your nose and tune everything else out. This is a simple exercise that calms our body, nervous system and mind in a matter of minutes and helps us to create some space between what just happened and ourselves and with that we can avoid an emotionally charged reaction that we more often than not regret later.
#2 Consider the Source
When you have a choice between drinking water from a mountain spring or a puddle under a dumpster, it’s pretty obvious, which option you will choose, because the source matters. The same thing goes for human interactions and receiving criticism. You may feel hurt or insulted, but have you considered the source? Does the other person actually know you? Do you like and respect the other person? Is it someone who gives honest, constructive feedback or is it someone who likes to shoot off their mouth any chance they get? Consider the source and with that get a clear picture whether or not you should take a feedback to heart or dismiss it immediately.
#3 Ask for Clarification
Instead of going crazy about a conversation, picking it apart and looking at it from every angle to figure out what just happened and what it means, ask the person point blank for a clarification. In order to avoid a confrontation it is important that you ask for clarification in a non-threatening way and while you may not get a straight answer, you open the door for an open communication. Getting clarity is almost always the better choice than ruminating about it and letting things stew and fester in your own head.
#4 Be Aware of Mixed Messages
A lot of people send mixed messages, which can send us on an emotional rollercoaster. They say one thing today and the complete opposite tomorrow or one thing to us and something completely different to another person. Observe the other person’s body language, non-verbal cues and tone of voice to figure out if the message you receive is honest or a mixed message. Be aware of people who send mixed messages and try to avoid them as much as you can.
#5 Know What Pushes Your Buttons
We are all sensitive to certain issues whether that’s our appearance, making a mistake or perceived flaws. Your sensitivity may also stem from an experience of the past. Dig deep and figure out what these tender spots are for you and on which topics you tend to over-react. Once you become more aware of the buttons that push you, you can avoid getting sucked into the feeling of opening up old wounds and handle any situation without taking things personally.
#6 Limit Interactions with Toxic People
We all have met toxic people who are very skilled in attacking someone else. These people drain our emotional energy and make us feel angry and devalued. The best way of dealing with them is to cut them out of our life completely. However, if that is not possible, limit your interactions with toxic people as much as you can to keep your sanity and mental health intact.
#7 Improve You Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is a great buffer between ourselves and the actions and comments of others. The more self-confident we are, the thicker is that buffer and the higher our self-esteem, the easier it is to not let others get under our skin. When we believe in ourselves, know who we are and what we are capable of, we don’t take things so personally, shrug off negative comments and keep a healthy perspective and distance to others.
#8 Stop Worrying About What Other People Think
One of the main reasons we taking things so personally is because we are seeking the approval of the person we are interacting with. Keep in mind, we have been conditioned all throughout our lives that it is important that we are liked and accepted by others, but reality is, not everybody has to like and accept us. On top of that, we can’t control what others think about us. The solution is simple. Accept yourself completely – flaws and all – and act in a way that feels right for you and with that you release your need for outside validation and don’t take things as personally anymore.
#9 Talk it Out
When someone or something manages to get under our skin and we take things personally, instead of getting stuck in a negative downward spiral, talk it out. Break out of the negative circle and share what happened with someone you trust. More often than not you will be able to sort through the previous interaction and find yourself with a more level-headed perspective that will make it possible to let things go and move on.
#10 Be Too Busy to Care
Reality is, if we have time to dwell endlessly on a conversation that hurt us or made us angry, we have way too much time on our hand. Instead of ruminating about an interaction, get busy and find something productive to do. Don’t give another person the power to get under your skin and ruin your day, but remember you are far too busy to take this personally and move on.
Learning how to not take things personally pays off in a big way. We start to improve our self-confidence and self-esteem, increase our happiness and peace of mind and start to smoothly sail towards our goals and dreams without letting anyone or anything derail us from our path.
KEEP YOUR PERSONAL POWER
Joschi & Monika
#BoldNaked